04/14/007 - Rain

Perfect day. Spring rain. Flowers soak it up and bloom. Little birds drink from the drops on leaves. Hummers dance together in the air. So happy to be alive, just like me, so happy just to be alive. Living in California is like being on vacation everyday.

This weekend began with a happy visit with my good friend M. Today I sleep in as long as I want. Have a couple chores to do like paint the upstairs bathroom. I will enjoy the benefits of the completion of that task ever day...or most ever morning.

I have a final date on my contract and I'm so looking forward to the freedom of working at home again. No more hourly in an office. F that. I'm 55 and I'm too old to be tied down. I've become more inflexible with age, less physically flexible...the joints are going, More importantly, I'm more inflexible in my habit. Less willing to bend and conform to corp culture. F that.

I'm deep into the re-fi that will save my bacon financially, and give me a fresh start. Working that all week.

I tripped and fell when I was a toddler and pushed one of my front baby teeth back up into my jaw. It rotted up there and I had a gap toothed smile as a child. Then the permanent tooth came in damaged and it never was very good looking. One dentist did a bit of work on it 20 years ago but that has worn down and I really need to get veneers but that is too expensive right now.

My dentist spent some effort on my front teeth...evened them out a bit. So I look a bit less snaggle toothed when I smile. Such a small subtle thing. but it feels so good that someone is willing to give me that confidence boost. I have a great dentist. She helps me smile and feel good about myself.

Thurs was a good day to cry. Kurt Vonnegut died at 84. He was a significant influence during my college years. When I found him...well I found the Sirens of Titan. Then Cat's Cradle. I also discovered pot and LSD and well... began to practice deep thinking. At age 18, I began to think different.

Vonnegut helped save me. His writing resonated with my own experiences and washed over me in waves that felt like coming home. He made me feel not so alone on earth. I cry at his death. Ouch it hurts.