60 minutes with Mina

I need a therapy session right now. My therapist has opted for a shorter commute and I have lost her, but she has gained quality in her everyday life that is deserved.

Many aspects of my life are out of control. When I have no control, it is very hard for me to let go. I have always been a fight or flight person, when a crisis hits. When cornered, I usually try to solve the problem to my own satisfaction, or run away.

This strategy served me well in the past, so it is very difficult to change that pattern. Self preservation kept me alive and moving forward in life. I never gave up, but I did walk away when I could not solve the problem.

I am learning how to just take a deep breath and let what is happening be OK. And keep going. Keep going to work every day, keep loving my kid. Keep managing to get from paycheck to paycheck. SSRI's help. (Selective Seritonin Re-uptake Inhibitors) A lot.

I told Mina that I had started a blog for Caitlin and that it was also going to be an outlet for me to spew when she (Mina) was no longer around. I made a fake one hour session appointment in my calendar today. 60 minutes with Mina, means I get to carve an hour out of my busy schedule , to think about what I CAN do to improve my own life. Then, after I have de-compressed and flushed my buffer, I can go back to taking care of everyone else. I have put off my own vacation too long but I recognize that and have plans for treating myself soon.

The bloody details of what is pushing me over the precipice today are boring and really not significant. Doing something about it before I crash, IS important. Choosing to do something to rescue myself is the right thing to do. That is what I learn from Mina.

I need to take care of myself the way I try to take care of others. Like my little dog, and my kid, and my job, and my parents, and on and on.

And so should you. When every day is Groundhog Day, learn to like Sonny and Cher "I Got You, Babe"