04/22/007 - Eat a beet for EarthDay

I will myself to become "she who eats beets first." Do chores around the house and then have some fun. Drag that sorry ass to the office.

As my neighbors replace their tacky kitchen cabinets, I collect their best cast-off doors and swap them for my worse doors.

(Now, back to the Tarot reading I gave myself for my birthday)

"Be of assistance to higher-ups if you desire greater influence on the world around you. This refers to social or circumstantial factors which could be affecting your life at this time, or an individual with power who can predict and control outcomes and is central to a situation. If you are not in this position yourself, your role may be to advise the person as long as you perceive that actions serve the common good.

Remember that the person who has "eaten her beets" swings the fate of the nation. You may be needed to provide some objectivity, you will enjoy a wonderful period of overcoming obstacles and hindrances with grace and ease. Despite appearances to the contrary, you will win big and you will help everyone else to be winners as well."

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04/14/007 - Rain

Perfect day. Spring rain. Flowers soak it up and bloom. Little birds drink from the drops on leaves. Hummers dance together in the air. So happy to be alive, just like me, so happy just to be alive. Living in California is like being on vacation everyday.

This weekend began with a happy visit with my good friend M. Today I sleep in as long as I want. Have a couple chores to do like paint the upstairs bathroom. I will enjoy the benefits of the completion of that task ever day...or most ever morning.

I have a final date on my contract and I'm so looking forward to the freedom of working at home again. No more hourly in an office. F that. I'm 55 and I'm too old to be tied down. I've become more inflexible with age, less physically flexible...the joints are going, More importantly, I'm more inflexible in my habit. Less willing to bend and conform to corp culture. F that.

I'm deep into the re-fi that will save my bacon financially, and give me a fresh start. Working that all week.

I tripped and fell when I was a toddler and pushed one of my front baby teeth back up into my jaw. It rotted up there and I had a gap toothed smile as a child. Then the permanent tooth came in damaged and it never was very good looking. One dentist did a bit of work on it 20 years ago but that has worn down and I really need to get veneers but that is too expensive right now.

My dentist spent some effort on my front teeth...evened them out a bit. So I look a bit less snaggle toothed when I smile. Such a small subtle thing. but it feels so good that someone is willing to give me that confidence boost. I have a great dentist. She helps me smile and feel good about myself.

Thurs was a good day to cry. Kurt Vonnegut died at 84. He was a significant influence during my college years. When I found him...well I found the Sirens of Titan. Then Cat's Cradle. I also discovered pot and LSD and well... began to practice deep thinking. At age 18, I began to think different.

Vonnegut helped save me. His writing resonated with my own experiences and washed over me in waves that felt like coming home. He made me feel not so alone on earth. I cry at his death. Ouch it hurts.

04/04/007 - Tarot Reading "The Pterodactyl"

If you are Ptaralized by uncertainty about your future, you cannot develop your talents and enjoy greater abundance. This pterosaur in the Self position reveals aspects of how you Pterceived yourself in the past.

The Pterodactyl soaring in this position indicates sublimation of survival fears, freedom from worry and uncertainty. The reverse image plummeting, shows a person who never has enough, is uncared for, and needy. The abundance she will not allow could block her freedom to be herself and cultivate her natural talents and interests.

This is a wonderfully optimistic card that says you have attained a well-supported Ptosition. Somehow you have placed yourself in a flow of abundance. The question is "What are you going to do with this opportunity?

04/07/007 - Obit, ten years old

001264 Carls - Patrick James Carls, A Former Clergyman With The United Federation Of Metropolitan Community Churches, Died Monday At Project Lazarus Of Complications From Aids. He Was 43.
Mr. Carls Was Born In Allegany, N.Y., And Lived In New Orleans For Many Years.He Received A Nursing Degree From State University Of New York At Albany And Studied For A Master's Degree At Loyola Institute School Of Ministry. He Was A Former Systems Analyst At L'chaim Group Home And Worked With The People With Aids
Coalition And Darrell Hamby Food Bank.He Was A Member Of The Board Of Directors And The Choir At The
Vieux Carre Metropolitan Community Church.Survivors Include His Companion, Charles Midura; His
Parents, James R. And Orma Carls Of Allegany; Three Sisters, Pamela Carls Of Sunnyvale, Calif.,
Virginia Carls Of Olean, N.Y., And Elizabeth Carls Crissafuli Of Fort Worth, Texas; And Three Brothers,
Richard L. Carls Of Allegany, John J. Carls Of Sarasota, Fla., And Timothy F. Carls. A Memorial Service Will Be Held Tuesday At 7 P.M. At The Vieux Carre Metropolitan Community Church, 1128 St. Roch Ave.
Burial Will Be In Allegany.

04-12-1997 Times Picayune

04/03/007 - In peace

perfect crystal forms
take flight, float, twist, turning, fall
quiet. still. rest. melt

(for Bret)